A reflection on 2013
This year was a very interesting year on a professional and personal level.
And, as I told you in the short Holiday message movie that you can find below, we had our ups but we also had our downs, and I think that we should treasure even more the downs than the ups. Why?
Because every time we have a success we celebrate (or some of us do not celebrate that either), but we never celebrate a failure, a crisis, a confusion or a down moment. From the success we get satisfaction, our confidence level goes up and we can do again in the future the same to get again the success we are searching for.
But the other moments that do not include success are the moments we should really celebrate, because this is where we really learn from and this is where we discover how strong and resourceful we really are.
And if you are going out of 2013 without taking notes of the difficult moments and what were the learnings you take from them, then is like you are losing an entire year without becoming a better person. You did become better with your successes, but you could become even better and discover yourself even more by learning from the difficulties.
I am a Small moments of happiness gatherer and I tend sometimes to oversee the difficulties cause I find the good things even in the negative moments. But this does not mean that I live in a “pink” world as some might think. I live in the same world as you are, but I make a choice everyday: to focus on what makes me feel better and on what makes me grow.
This is what Uptitude means: choosing my attitude, the one that serves me, the one that looks on the positive aspects and learns from the negative and hurtful ones.
So, looking back at 2013, I did a few mistakes that I did not learn from right in that moment but I really want to take the Uptitude approach and learn from them before finishing this year. And I am sharing them with you maybe they will be useful.
My learnings:
1. Do not take things for granted. Appreciate what I have, what I do and who I am.
a) I used to take my relationship for granted, my husband being there whenever I needed and considered that I do not need to do anything. When I look now to this last year I know that I was even happier and feeling loved when I appreciated the things that he did or who he became for me. Instead of saying “he has to do this” or “he has to be like this”, I cherished every moment he wanted to spend time with me or every small gift he decided to give me to make me happy.
A relationship needs to grow. If it does not grow and if it does not make me and my partner grow towards individual and common objectives, than we will find ourselves after a few years and realize that we do not go in the same direction anymore. Some things need to be dealt with and I need to invest time, energy and skills to help a beautiful relationship become even more beautiful: a passionate, full of love and growth, intimate, playful and real relationship and friendship. Yep…this is my vision. You might have your own: but what are you doing to make it how you want it? And what things do you take for granted?
b) I used to take my time for granted, feeling like I have all the time in the world, but this is not true. Time is one of those resources that I should really value. And if I am losing time doing something else than what is really important for me, then I will feel guilt and anger, emotions that I experienced quite often every time I saw I did not have time left to take my plans to an end.
c) I used to take others’ time for granted, by not planning in advance and wanting everybody to be at my disposal in the moment that I needed. So, if I organized a training session, everybody should answer to my emails when I sent them and the prints had to be ready in the day that I delivered the document for printing etc etc. But can I blame others for my poor planning? No, of course not. I do respect other people’s time and mine and by planning in advance I ensure that I show my respect and that I am in sync with my value of respecting others. Plan in advance.
d) I used to take my creativity for granted: I am a creative coach and I help people to find new solutions to their problems with the tools that I have. But the more I encouraged my clients to use their creativity and the solutions we discovered together to pursue their dreams, the more I stopped using my creativity for my own business. I was doing the same things in the same way and I was expecting for different results… And when I saw the results I got angry because I was expecting something else. So, I have all this creative potential inside of me and I used it only with my clients. But how can I help my clients if I do not help myself more? Use all the resources that I have, also the intangible ones.
2. Learn from a master, from a mentor.
Easy to say and difficult to do. This year I found myself quite a few times lost and confused regarding my professional life. I was looking at others that were so much better than me in those areas! How did they do it and how can I do it too? But instead of “cracking my head into the walls” trying to figure it out by myself, why not ask them how they did it? Most of the success people are really happy to share their stories and strategies and I knew that, but I did not use it.
I do not need to have only one mentor, I can have more masters with different skills or things that I appreciate in them and research or ask them how they did it.
3. Talk to a coach when I am lost.
Even if I am a coach and I am really good in my self development, this does not mean that another perspective cannot help. And I had a few coaching sessions this year that helped me move a few steps forward and get on the path of where I really want to go.
4. I do not need to be perfect and be liked by everybody.
People love me for who I am if I give them value. I do not need to show up someone else or pretend that I am someone else. For example, I did my best to be a little bit more formal especially for the workshops that I deliver in the European Parliament in Brussels because people there are used to formality. But by trying this, I lost the main thing that makes me different from other coaches and trainers there: the fact that I do not fit into standards. My workshops are more creative (at least this is what they told me), informal and give people a great break from the work day to focus on themselves. So, when I wanted to be different I did suffer cause I could not be myself and I also noticed that my results were not as good as the other times.
People do not like perfect and, as my mentor Tony Robbins said, Perfection is a non-standard. Trying to be perfect will only make me lose my core, be frustrated for not achieving it and postpone action and beautiful moments in life. Trying to please everybody is only making me lose time and suffer from the fear of rejection. What I want? I want to be excellent, outstanding! Do amazing things for the people that want to work with me.
5. Don’t wait for things to happen. Make them happen. Take risks: if I win I will be happy, if I lose I will be wise.
Frustration, anger and guilt: these were the main emotions I felt when things were not happening. Frustration and anger because I did not see results and guilt because I realized that it was me that had to take action and I did not take that action or risks when it was needed.
These emotions made me lose my focus and feel even worse with myself. Damn it! If I want something, why not make it happen?
6. Look at the signs that tell me that I am on the right path.
This year, even more than in the last two years, I was hoping for more results on the professional area. I had a few moments when I had no idea if what I was doing was really making a difference. And I was talking to my friends, my husband and my clients: they were all saying: “Lidia, what you are doing is great, continue with it!”.
But I did not feel confident as I did not see results (you got it by now, I need to “see” results). Don’t know if it ever happened to you, but sometimes when you feel that you are at the bottom, something is going to come up and help you get out.
When I was really doubting of my coaching abilities with one of my clients something big happened and everything changed (for some people it’s just taking a little bit longer).
When I was really wondering if Uptitude is a real concept that can be useful for people, I got an email from a complete stranger telling me “thank you for uptituding me today!” (WOW!!!).
When I felt sorry that only few people bought my online book of Small moments of happiness and I was wandering if people really needed that or we are really to busy to take time and notice them, a beautiful confirmation arrived: someone gave me the most beautiful present, my printed book with a long letter of appreciation saying that I managed to open his eyes with the small moments of happiness. He was blind to see and live them because he was all day long in a total rush.
So, I will continue what I started and I will come up with new ways to help the people around me. And of course, I will look at the signs that will show me that I am on the right way to fulfill my mission.
I also learned a lot of other things so I must say that I am really proud of myself and 2013. What about you? What did you learn this year?
I hope you learned what you need to make the next year better and I wish you a Happy New Year!
