We were told during our whole life (or at least I was) that “when the right one will arrive, you’ll know it”, “if it’s meant to be, it will be” and so on. Well, I tell you this is nonsense!
And it is nonsense because love is a choice, every day of your life.
Most of us fall in love and everything is just so wonderful! Life seems great, happiness awaits for us every time we see our lover and for the rest of the time we are just day dreaming about him or her! When he proposes (and she accepts) it’s just what we dreamed for! And what a lovely house we’ll have, maybe with a garden, a dog or a cat and of course, children.
Maybe we get married or maybe not, but after a while we just kind of start seeing the “not so lovely” side of our partner. The toothpaste tube squeezed in the middle instead at the end, the toilet paper put in the wrong direction, the socks all over the place. And these are just the minor things, as you might know!
Someone once told me that the things that we are crazy about at the beginning of our relationship are the ones that will get on our nerves at some point later. And I admit this is true. This is always true!
While visiting my dear friend and coach, Lidia, and trying to understand why my past relationships had failed, I discovered a priceless book, in a shop in Assisi (Italy).
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Gary Chapman – The 5 Love Languages!
Now Dr. Chapman says a very interesting and curious thing. He says that if you speak in a love language that your partner doesn’t understand, he or she will not understand at all that you are expressing love. The problem in fact is speaking two different languages.
I admit this sounded a bit strange at the beginning. So I decided to give it a chance and go on reading. And it was worth it!
So, Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Most of us don’t have only one love language. It can be a combination of two for example, but generally they show how you understand the expressions of love from others.
Let’s just briefly see what they mean, as Dr. Chapman explained them:
- Words of affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important— hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.
- Quality time
In Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Whether itʼs spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.
- Receiving gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are heartfelt symbols to you of someone else’s love and affection for you.
- Acts of service
Can helping with homework really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. When others serve you out of love (and not obligation), you feel truly valued and loved.
- Physical touch
A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.
Does it make sense to you now as it did to me? Do you agree that love is a day by day choice?
As I see it, it’s up to us if our partner will fell loved or not. Are you willing to learn your partners love language?
And now, as you have read this far, I have a small gift and a challenge for you. Bellow you can find the link to Dr. Chapman’s site for discovering your love language profile, for single or couples.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
It would be great if you would let me know what your love language is. I’ll tell you what mine is! 😉
Love always!
Photo credits: Alexander Zabara
