How to stand strong during change

28Oct

How to stand strong during change – a 6 steps approach

By: Roberta Rossini On: October 28, 2014 In: Challenge, Change, Emotions, Life Comments: 1

Change Because of the job of my husband, my family moved around quite a bit. Normally every 3 to 4 years.

About a year ago time came to move from sunny Rome, Italy to green The Hague, The Netherlands. As that was not a new destination for us, at the beginning we thought that wound not be such a major thing. Actually we were all getting thrilled about purchasing our first house ever.

Then the last day of school came and we had the traditional lunch at the beach with all kids’ friends and parents.

At the end of the afternoon I got into the car to drive the 33 minutes to get home: the small ones in the back and my 10 year old in the front with me. The small ones were falling asleep within minutes, tired by playing in water and being in the sun.

My elder son and myself cried for 33 minutes: suddenly it was real – our dearest friends were gone. Well, we were gone, not them. They still had each other, we had nobody.

The following it was just…. Summer: sun, visiting family and friends, going on vacation.

And then suddenly it was time to go back to school, in Holland. The kids – thrilled and a little scared – started in the new school. A few bumps, a lot of energy to get to know the other kids. And my elder boy was still too quiet and was trying to make sense of where he was. Then it happened. It was a November afternoon and he came back from school SOOO angry. “In this &^#@$ country it always rains and my school bag broke and you (!) forgot to pack my lunch box”. This is what I was waiting for! That evening my husband and I opened a nice bottle of prosecco put aside for a special occasion. I knew things were changing.

My son finally invited over a boy from his class the following week to play together. I – obviously – have been baking a very nice cake for the occasion.

There are multiple phases we go through any time a change happens. By being AWARE of what the phases are makes us better equipped to manage our reactions – and face difficulties with a greater sense of relief.

1. Denial. “I do not think it is going to work/ happen”

This is the phase that requires most of “sense of urgency”. A move leaves little space to denial as soon as all boxes are out of the door. In general an external push for a change is always the most effective one. Get management buy in and make them worship the change by sharing a vision for a better future!

2. Depression, anger, fear: “why do I need to do that????”

Just let it out. Cry as much as needed, let the anger come out, find good friends to complain to. Just make sure to indulge yourself a little too: put on something nice, treat you a little with something you like.

In case of moving there may be a “vacation” that creates a nice pillow.

In a more business environment make sure to give people the opportunity to TALK about the change, ask questions, have a go to person who picks up complains and concerns.

3. Awareness/ rationalization: “Ok. I understand I need to live with it.”

In this phase it is important to be alerted for (even) small positive nice things the new situation may have to offer. A move is a great opportunity to get rid of old things and put some order. A new (part of the) city makes you discover new shops or parks.

In a business context: highlight the advantages of a new solution. Make a marketing campaign to get those advantages stick in the mind of people.

4. Experiment: “let’s see how I can manage it.”

Do not give up and give it a try. Realize how to accommodate to change may be less impossible than you thought. In a more professional environment get people close to the solution: training, Q&A sessions, hand holding.

5. Decision: “things seems to get in the right direction. What I tried worked out. I see if I can make it again and again”.

I am sure you found something that works even better than in your previous situation. In a new city may be finding out that that one café is now your favorite one. Or suddenly you feel at home when you come back after a trip.

At work: show short term wins, maybe small, need to be consistently communicated.